THE FIRST CONTACT:

My ex and I met shortly before President Mandela was released. It was a time of much change and turbulence in the country. For the first time, ever, I felt free to pursue a personal life. When we met, he told me about Scientology — the spiritual side, nothing about the "Organisation". To cut a long story short, we fell in love and married. I went into Cape Town Org with him to find out more about Scientology.

The person I was to see was wearing what looked like a navy uniform. I thought this was a bit odd at the time, but remembered that the Salvation Army also wear uniforms. I shall refer to him only as "G". He started off by talking to me about my life, what I thought about spirituality, etc. Did I think help was possible? Did I think I could be helped in any way? At the time, I had to say frankly, no — I felt in pretty good shape, but I did want to learn more. The conversation continued:

G: "All right. Do you feel it is possible to give help?"

I laughed. "Yes, absolutely. In fact I would like to improve my ability to help others."

"That's great!" he replied, and beamed at me. Then he said, "How do you feel about control?"

"Hmm," I replied, if you're talking about the kind of control our government uses, then I think it is bad."

"Well, OK. How about if I told you to pick up that book over there and pass it to me?"

"Do you want me to do that?"

"Yes."

I picked up the book and gave it to him. He looked at me earnestly.

"Now was that so bad?"

"Was what so bad?"

"I just excersized a form of control over you."

"Oh. Well, no, that was fine, " I replied.

"Excellent! Now, have you noticed in your life that if you do something you feel bad about, you tend to do more bad things after that?"

"Hmmmm," I pondered this for a while.

"OK", he said, " Give me an example — tell me something that you did wrong in your life."

I became uncomfortable for a bit, and then said "Ummm, I ducked out of University for a while and hitch-hiked around the country with this guy, and we did drugs."

"Very good! Now what happened after that?"

"Umm, well I had to lie about where I had been to several people".

"Exactly! Now do you see how that one bad act led to more?"

I nodded, feeling a sense of relief, and an odd "rush".

G then got down to business: "well, I can see that you are MUCH more aware than the average person that walks in off the street here — willing to talk, no comm lag (time taken to receive and answer a communication).You are VERY up-stat (able), and A to B (able to look at things directly). How would you like to help, REALLY help, in one of the greatest purposes on this planet?"

I became stirred, excited. "I would — what would I have to do?"

"Join staff, here — join our group, and help to free mankind!!"

It sounded great, so I agreed. I signed a contract to join Foundation Staff. (I had a day job, so could not work there during the day). The hours were 7.00 pm to 10.00 pm, Monday to Friday, and 9.00am till 6.00 pm, Saturdays and Sundays. This was a bit much for me, newly married and all, but my ex was delighted.

I'm going to stop at this point, and look at what lay underneath the above interview.

THE HIDDEN AGENDA:

What I did not know at the time was that G was a veteran Sea Org member, down in Cape Town on a mission to recruit staff for Cape Town Org. He had to achieve his "stat" (number of staff members recruited) by Thursday, 2.00 pm. The interview took place on Wednesday night. He had also been drilled thoroughly on a standard technique of how to interest people in Scientology.

Here is the drill:

1. By two-way comm get the person to admit that help is possible.
2. By a little direction of his converation or motions, or by two-way comm on good or bad control, make the person see that control is not always horrible.
3. By showing the person that overts (bad acts) lead to more overts, get the person to mention some of his or her own overts. This brings about a raised willingness to talk to you.
4. Close the person (to buy the book, the course, or in this case, sign a staff contract.)

I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. I thought we were just having a conversation, and did not realise that I had just had my first piece of "tech" applied to me.

WHY I WAS VULNERABLE TO IT:

Chris Schafmeister referred in another post to the exploitation of weakness by FSMs. This is the type of thing that can make an unaware person vulnerable:

1. I genuinely had a desire to help people.
2. I felt flattered by the attention and interest I received.
3. I wanted to impress my ex.
4. Deep down, I was bored with life, missing the old "edge" from days gone by, and needed excitement.
5. I was (and still am) aware of a spiritual reality, had explored many other religions, but had not found any one of them to "be for me".
6. I have never been a "high profile" person — my political activities were always in the backgound, strategic. G made me feel important.
7. I agreed — let's get this straight — no-one forced me — yes, I was manipulated, but I am the one who agreed into it.
8. Even deeper down, I liked the APPROVAL I received — I was more insecure at the time than I had thought, and needed the approval of others.

QUESTIONS:

This raises some very interesting philosophical questions. Scientology is not alone in using a technique designed to bring a person round to their way of thinking — governments do it, sales people do it, advertisers do it. What, however of the ETHICS of doing this? The old "ends justifies the means" adage. To what extent is it justified to manipulate a person mentally? WHO is to say what "cause" is correct, or the best for humanity? Invariably it is a few people who have decided this. What individual, or group ever has enough data, enough facts [on] hand to make such a decision? In view of the fact that this is a constantly changing universe, how can a group determine that ONE paradigm of thought is THE answer, for ever more?

That's the start of my story. As I examine and review the process of assimilation into Scientology, I will share what I think may be of interest. The very personal parts will be omitted, but I am striving to be honest about MY share of responsibility in this saga. I went into it as an adult, reasonably intelligent, but yet naive in many other ways, and with personal weaknesses that made me susceptible to it. It is these personal weaknesses that I am examining ruthlessly — Joe and Flemming's posts on "Rules on being human" spring to mind — "you will repeat a lesson until you learn it." *shudders*. I don't want to repeat THIS lesson, thank you very much!

More to follow in a few days……

Kim Baker
Able to think again.

I am taking a brief detour from the auto-biographical component of my story to examine a deep depression I was in recently. I mostly feel great about my decision, but on Sunday I felt very unstable, desolate, a great emptiness, lonliness and a sense of total isolation. I liken this to withdrawal symptoms from a drug. (I am fighting fit again, as I write this, by the way).

I do not have the benefit of an exit counsellor — I am dealing with this on my own. My friends on a.r.s., a.r.s. itself and Bent Coryden's book are a life-line to me. I do not have a "live" person, who was IN Scientology to speak to in the city where I live, though. So, I am "counselling" myself. I looked at that isolation and despair that I was in, and forced myself to analyse it, to conquer it. My goal is NOT to "cave in" as they would have me do, I aim to recover to the point that I am happy and prospering again.

Here is what I have come up with:

SOME THOUGHTS ON LEAVING A CULT…

Cults, by their very definition, are marginalised from society. When one joins a cult, one learns gradually to accept a unique construct of reality. Scientology, in particular, has developed a whole language to support that definition of reality. Just as an inability to speak French precludes a German from understanding a conversation amongst a group of French people, so the "language" of Scientology precludes understanding by those who have not learned the dialect.

This is a very subtle emotional trap. Because if the cultist wants to leave, s/he is faced with social isolation. S/he has this reality which cannot be shared with friends who do not know the dialect. How do you explain the following to someone who knows nothing of Scientology? (Note: translation will follow):

"Your ethics are out, so your dynamics will cave in. You need to be CAUSE over your Bank, and stay connected to Source. If you don't, I will KR you, and depending on how out-ethics you are, this will go up-lines"

That was an example of fairly low-level jargon. To an "outsider", it means nothing. Translated into English:

"You have violated the moral code of Scientology, and the various areas of your life will be adversely affected as a result. You need to keep your Reactive mind under control, and keep studying and applying the philosophy of L. Ron Hubbard. If you don't do this, I will report you, in writing, and depending on how serious your crime is, it will be reported to higher authorities within the Scientology organisation"

The deeper into Scientology you go, the more difficult it is to translate:

"You have flipped into an SP valence — you are stuck in an incident on your time-track, and dramatizing. You will be denied Eligibility if you continue, and you will miss all those LFBD's. Disconnect, or else!"

(Said to me some weeks ago by a Sea Org member).

Translation:

"You have assumed the identity of a suppressive person. (By definition, a suppressive person is hostile to Scientology). You are acting out a role, not being the real YOU, from one of your past lives. If you continue to behave like this, you will not be allowed to do the OT Levels (upper levels of auditing in Scn), and you will miss getting rid of all that "charge" (which measures on the e-meter by a specific kind of needle reaction). Stop reading a.r.s., or else!"

There are even deeper levels than this. These two "light" examples are sufficient to demonstrate the subtle mechanism which excludes the cultist from normal social inter-action. The deeper the cultist goes, the more dependent they are on fellow cultists for communication and social interaction — and the more difficult it is to leave and re-integrate into normal society.

I am sure that these thoughts are not new, but I thought I'd share them, as they are very real to me right now. I understand why people commit suicide, and how difficult it is to leave a cult. I have no intention of giving them the satisfaction of doing myself in. I have every intention of surviving, getting my true personality back, using my experiences to help anyone else recover, and of re-integrating into society, doing well, and being happy!

In part 3, I will continue with the autobiographical story.

Kim Baker
Fighting fit, and getting stronger by the day — hey, it's not easy, but I WILL triumph! And I WON'T shut up!

In Part 1, I described my first contact with Scientology. In part 2, I detoured to examine the emotional impact of leaving the cult. I now look at my first "service".

MY EXPERIENCE OF THE PURIFICATION RUNDOWN:

Having signed my 5 year contract, and full of enthusiasm to "save the planet", I went into Cape Town Org the following evening. G told me that my first step was the Purif. (Purification Rundown, an excersize , vitamin and sauna program designed to flush out drugs and radiation from the body). I was a bit skeptical about this — how did this address spiritual issues? G explained that spiritual progress was impeded by residue drugs and radiation. I bought it (in both senses of the word, it cost me R1500).

My ex left for Johannesburg for 3 weeks to complete a work project. Two nights later, after a medical check-up by a specifed doctor, I arrived to begin the Purif. I was given a vast quantity of vitamins, including niacin, and told to go jogging until I felt a prickly sensation. I did this, and then returned. G was waiting for me, and said : "Right. You are the new HAS."

"The WHAT?"

"HAS — Hubbard Area Secretary. Read this — it's a Hat write-up (job description) — while you're in the sauna. Spend at least 4 hours in the sauna, and come out when you're feeling good — take water and salt."

Somewhat overwhelmed, I trundled off to the sauna, and started reading my Hat write-up. I didn't understand a word of it. Jargon and terms everywhere. I started feeling panicky as a result. Five hours later, I still didn't "feel good", but gave up and went home.

The following night I returned, and continued the program. When in the sauna, I was still trying to make sense of the "Hat write-up" when I started feeling dizzy. I took water and salt. And then I passed out. I was told that I was in the sauna like that for an hour. I "came to" with a lot of shouting and someone hosing me down with water — I remember the panic on the faces of the staff. Clearly something had gone badly wrong. The next day, people at my place of employment remarked on how pale I was, and I felt shaky the whole day.

I returned to the Org that night and stated my reluctance to continue the program. Eventually, I agreed to continue on the understanding that they would check on me regularly to see that something like that did not occur again. I continued for another 5 nights, and nothing much happened. They attested me (a declaration, made on the e-meter that you have completed a Scn course or program), and asked me to write a success story. I didn't want to, but they said that I had to if I wanted to attest to completion, so I wrote down something about "feeling cleaned up", and that was the end of the Purif.

G had left, in the meantime, having completed his "mission". I said that I was not ready to go on staff, I needed to find out more about Scientology. They were not at all happy about this, but eventually agreed to let me go.

WHERE THEY WENT WRONG:

In fairness, I must point out that they did not apply their OWN policy correctly. Firstly, I should have been given the Purification Rundown Manual to read before going on the program. I should have had at least one other person doing the program with me. I should not have been given a "Hat write-up" to read in the sauna. A lot of people have done the Purif — some really enjoyed it, others were indifferent, and others did not like it at all. In mitigation on MY responsibility in the issue was the fact that I was brand new, and did not know that there was a manual to ask to see. I only found that out later.

ABOUT THE PURIF:

I am not a doctor, or a scientist, so I am not going to attempt a scientific study here — others have addressed this issue more adequately than I can. However, to my non-scientific mind, the whole credibility of the Purif rests on the premise that Niacin flushes out radiation and drugs.

Niacin is nicotinic acid — a vitamin of the B group, which is prepared SYNTHETICALLY in a process that includes the oxidation of nicotine. The toxic effect is the DILATION OF THE VEINS, and this leads to hot flushes — high dosages also lead to abdominal cramps, tiredness and skin blemishes.

Hubbard had this to say about niacin:

"Niacin's biochemical reaction is my own, private, personal discovery. In the middle of the 1950's I was doing work on radiation, and I worked out that it must be niacin that operated on radiation…Niacin runs out radiation. The outpoint in medical thinking has been that they thought Niacin itself turned on a flush. Niacin all by its lonesome does not turn on any flush. What it starts to do is immediately run out sunburn or radiation."

- From HCOB 1978RB, reissued 31 July 1985, "The Purification Rundown replaces the sweat program."

QUESTIONS:

No-where in this, or other bulletins does Hubbard explain exactly HOW he reached this conclusion — he tells us "he worked it out", but HOW? Where is the evidence and proof of this? I am willing to bet that if you gave someone niacin, who had NEVER been exposed to radiation, they would still turn on a flush, by the mere fact that their veins had been dilated. Also, the fact that something DID go wrong with my particular program, even though it was "off-policy" (not a correct application of Hubbard's policy) raises this question: how can amateurs be allowed to administer this program? Why are there no safety precautions? Who is to say that this program is "safe"? Hubbard, who was neither a doctor, a biochemist nor a scientist, is the sole author of this program. Apparently doctors scrutinised the program, and found it to be rigorous, but not harmful. But again, in the hands of unqualified personnel….

More to follow in Part 4.

Kim Baker
Flourishing and prospering! ;-)

I have been wrestling with the rest of my story — trying to find some way to omit the spiritual aspects, but I just cannot. I happen to believe in past lives, and I have memories of them that are real to me. Now before some of you dismiss me as yet another "nut", I ask you to take the following into consideration: if something is true, it should stand the test on all levels — physical (material), intellectual (philosophical) and spiritual (metaphysical). If one of these levels is not real to you, then discard that level, and judge my story on the philosophical level — judge the logical consistency of the thoughts presented.

SAVING THE PLANET:

After the Purif, I did not renege on my purpose to save the planet, and so I withdrew for a while to read some books on Scientology (Dianetics, Science of Survival, History of Man, The Phoenix lectures, Scientology 8-80 and 8-008 ) to get a better grip on the subject. I found the concepts intriguing, and strangely familiar.

My ex returned from Johannesburg and we went into Cape Town Org to determine what to do next. I looked at the Grade Chart (the various levels of Scn, divided into two aspects : one on receiving auditing, one on learning how to audit others). I liked the part about learning how to audit others, and I was interested in the level of Clear Certainty Rundown (CCRD). They did various tests, assessed my IQ, and did an OCA (Oxford capacity Analysis — a personality test), and then we looked at the results. My IQ score was high, and the OCA showed no area needing attention. They then asked me some questions on the e-meter. I told them that I thought I was "Clear" already.

The net result was that I was told my next step was the CCRD, which could only be delivered in Johannesburg, and that I should buy an auditor training package. I did (it cost me R8000, I took out my first loan from the bank — fortunately I did not need to buy an e-meter, books or tapes — that would have added another R11 000 to my bill).

THIS was how I was going to save the planet — at last I could channel that urge I had to heal people, spiritually.

THE STUDENT HAT:

I walked into the Academy. All I will say at this stage is that it was very, very familiar to me, and I fitted in with ease. The Student Hat teaches you how to study — clearing up misunderstood words, demonstrating concepts in clay, etc. I enjoyed it. The only part I didn't like is that if you had a question, the Course Supervisor never answered it, he showed you a Hubbard policy. This is to avoid "Verbal tech" — ONLY Hubbard's policy is allowed. I passed the exam with 100%.

THE KEY TO LIFE COURSE:

After completing the Student hat, there was a great push on the release of a new course, the "Key to Life" — which was THE answer to communication. On completion of this course, you were meant to be able to fully "duplicate" (understand) others, and have others "duplicate" you. The course cost R6000, I didn't feel like taking out another loan, and frankly, I didn't feel I really needed it, communication being one of my stronger points. However, I ended up converting the money from my auditor training package, at the insistence of the Reg. (Registrar — one who gets you to buy courses).

The materials of the Key to Life Course are confidential. It is a long course, and has to be done with a "twin" (study partner — you are responsible for getting each other through the course). All I can say is that one of the books is called "The new Grammar" — and I can say this, because some promo showed a picture with the cover of the book removed — so draw your own conclusions.

(As an amusing aside — the Key to Life promo was glitzy — one of the pictures showed a husband and wife fighting, then doing the course, then being all happy. My ex and I started to twin on this course, and we had so many disagreements that they had to separate us, and twin us each with someone else. It was quite funny, because we went in all happy, and at the end of the course, we were fighting like cat and dog. I don't attribute this to the course, though, there were other things going on).

I emerged from this course with an ability to "duplicate" alright — I could duplicate Hubbard's policies with lightening speed. However, I noticed that my ability to read any other material was definitely lessened. I happened to be studying an additional course through a correspondence University here in South Africa (already had a degree and a post-grad qualification, this was just for interest). When I wrote my exam on this course (Business Economics), I passed with the lowest mark I had ever received in my life — 52%!! I was horrified! (Never had anything below 72% before).

MY MARRIAGE:

Without going into too many details, it is relevant to mention that by this stage my marriage had deteriorated badly. My ex was Clear, trained to Level 0, had become very unhappy in his job. He blamed me for everything that was wrong in his life, and whenever I completed a Scn course, he said I'd made "no case gain" (no spiritual progress). We fought over money — he earned 3 times what I did (he is in the field of electronics engineering, I in the field of tertiary education, which just does not pay as well), yet I was contributing 50% of the living expenses — when I objected, he replied that "you don't reward a down-stat". He had a brief affair with someone. Etc, etc.

The point is, I was under extreme emotional stress at this time — and I was disgusted at my own inability to "handle" the marriage. It was at this point, having completed the Key to Life, that I was asked to join staff again — this time on the TTC (Technical Training Corps) to become an auditor. I had finished courses quicker than anyone in Cape [T]own had before — they were all "impressed" at how quickly I picked up "the think". (This rattled my ex as well — the old ego thing).

I will describe my experiences on Staff in Part 5.

Kim Baker

I am at the point where I have finally joined staff, at the Cape Town Foundation Org (means I worked from 7.00 pm to 10.30 pm, Monday to Friday, and Saturdays and Sundays, from 9.00am to 6.00 pm, without pay). I also had a day job, and found this to be a gruelling schedule. During the day, I had a department to run at the University of Cape Town, and was responsible for 30 staff memebers. I also had to run the home (shopping, cooking, etc), and essentially I had no time to myself.

THE TTC (Technical Training Corps):

There are various steps a new staff member has to go through when joining an[ ] Org. You have to establish a production record, and you receive training on being a staff memeber. It is called "indoctrination". Never did like that word. I learnt about ethics, and about how in order to stay out of trouble, it was best to be an "up-statistic" (every aspect of working in a Scn org is measured by statistics). My natural inclination was to resist such rigid control — I hated authoritarianism. BUT, I was there to save the planet, and if this required submitting to an imposed discipline, I would do it.

I was given a program of training to becoming an auditor. My statistic was "student points". (Points are allocated according to the amount of material studied), and I was on full time training (7.30pm to 10.00pm). However, I was assigned other tasks, and in order to complete them, I often had to stay on till 11.00pm, sometimes midnight. Then up again, at 5.00 in the morning, to do the work involved in running a home, before going to my day job.

TRAINING:

After I completed the preliminary steps, I was ready to begin training. I had to do the "post-graduate" course of the Key to Life, the Life Orientation course. The materials of this course are confidential, so I won't go into it. I flew through the course, getting a lot of student points and quickly established myself as an "up-statistic". I was expected to be there at 7.00 pm, sharp, for "roll call" and muster. If I was late, I was sent to Ethics. The fact that I had a responsible day job did not consitute a valid excuse for being late, not did the fact that I had to make supper for my ex and I . Pressure! Something had to take a back seat, and my day job suffered — I was tired and distracted. Add to that, constant fights with my ex — I started getting the "fixed stare" often attributed to Scientologists.

The next course I did was the PRO TRs (Professional Training Routines). This teaches you to confront, and to resist responding to anything your pc (preclear) may say to you in an auditing session. It teaches you not to respond to anyone pushing your "buttons", to ask an auditing question, to get it answered, and to acknowledge it. One of the drills — TR0 — you have to sit for 2 hours and "confront" another person — without twitching, moving, or excessive blinking. You definitely feel stronger after getting through this — able to control things and people. Horribly intoxicating.

Next, was the Upper Indoc TRs (Upper Indoctrination Training Routines). Here you learn to get a person to follow your commands, despite any resistance on their part. For example, you say: "Walk over to that wall. Thank you. Touch that wall. Thank you. Turn around. Thank you. Walk over to that wall…" etc., over and over again. You are trained to issue the commands with Intention (called Tone 40), and if necessary, physical force. I did my drills with a guy who was over 6 feet tall, and very well built — to get him to follow my commands gave me a sense of "Power". Horrible.

The rigid schedule, the long hours, the discipline, wore down my ability to analyse what was happening to me. I became irritated by normal life and people, and LIVED for the time when I could go into the Org, impress everyone with how good at it I was, my high student points, etc. The indoctrination was starting to bite, I was starting to enjoy it to a point that I would describe as a sick lust for that "power".

More to follow in Part 6.

Kim Baker
Non Interference Zone

(My new sig is a pun — in Scn, there is an area on the Grade Chart where you may not receive auditing until you are through a barrier. I put this here as a tongue in cheek pun, because I have had a couple of people trying to bring me around to THEIR way of thinking, since I left Scn. No thanks, I am free, I am not a pawn in someone else's little (and I mean LITTLE) game.

All right. My response to OSA's latest attempt to silence me is to continue telling my story — I am exersizing  my human right to free will and free speech.

ABSORBED BY THE CULT

I was now totally absorbed by the cult — my whole life was taken up with it, and the only time I had free was Saturday and Sunday evenings. And I found that I could not enjoy normal human activities— such as going to movies, etc. They lacked the intensity that I had become addicted to.

After completing the Upper Indoc TRs, I did something called Method One Co-Audit — it is where two people work through a list, looking for words that were not understood in past subjects studied. It is done on the e-meter. I then studied OEC Volume 0 (Organisation Executive Course — there are 7 volumes, this one dealt with being a staff member in a Scientology organisation). It was at this time that an order came down from the Case Supervisor in Johannesburg that I could not receive my Clear Certainty Rundown (an auditing action to confirm that you are Clear) in South Africa — I had to go to an Advanced Organisation — which meant that I was now looking at R30 000 just for a CCRD! Further, the instruction was that I was not to receive ANY auditing of any kind until I had been to an Advanced Organisation. Never did find out the reason for this.

TURNING ON MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

This is one of many parts that I am deeply ashamed of. While on Staff, my mother became very ill, and was hospitalized. I RESENTED it, God help me, I resented the intrusion into my cult activities. I wrote up a CSW (Completed Staff Work — a request, in writing, with information and a solution, to a senior) to get time off to visit her. It was denied. I re-wrote it, promising to make up the time off, and it was granted. The time I was allowed off was minimal — an hour a night — to visit her. I visited her out of a sense of obligation — I had no compassion, and she knew it. She recovered, but there was a distance between us after that. I bear a deep guilt about this today — then, I had no guilt. I became distant from my friends, and lost touch with them. I belonged to the Church of Scientology — and my "stellar" performance on their courses made me a favourite of theirs.

LIVING WITH CONTRADICTIONS

By now, I had learnt to accept contradictory facts. Sometimes, though, the contradictions were too much for me. One evening, at roll call, a tape by Hubbard was played. On it, he spoke of how he had met Hendrick Verwoed (Hendrick Verwoed was one of the founding fathers of Apartheid in South Africa — he created the system of "Bantu" education, designed to give Black South Africans an inferior education so that they would be forced to seek employment as unskilled labourers — an unspeakably evil system that still has effects to this day).

Hubbard said that Verwoed was "a great guy". The dissonance jarred me deeply. I asked that they stop the tape, and re-play that part — I wanted to be sure I heard correctly. I did. Unfortunately, I don't have the reference of the tape — all I remember is that it was part of the Organisation Executive Course (probably being edited out by the Church now, as I write!). I stood there with my jaw hanging — "How can that be???", I asked my fellow staff members. Here we were, supposed to be saving the Planet, freeing people from their "reactive" minds — and here was our leader, saying that one of the most suppressive people in our country was "A GREAT GUY"???? The other staff members just shrugged it off, saying Hubbard must have had his reasons. I couldn't. I kept my disagreement to myself after my initial outburst — didn't want to have to go through "False Data Stripping" (a process whereby any disagreement with Hubbard or Scientology is handled to the point that the disagreement is nullified).

SO WHY STAY IN THE CULT?

Is the question you must be asking. Here was something that struck against the very core of me — it struck at that which I had spent my whole life fighting, at that which I considered to be utterly evil — racism. Yet I stayed on in the cult. Why? WHY?? I have been beating myself up over this one — because I DON'T KNOW why I did not walk out at that point. This frightens the hell out of me. What more reason did I need to see through the cult? Yet I stayed. Would I have stayed if I had found out that Hubbard was a mass murderer too? Jesus, I DON'T KNOW!!! What had happened to me?????

More to follow in Part 7

Kim Baker

THE "DARLING" OF THE CULT

I continued with my auditor training — from Level 0 to Level 1. I learnt how to audit people, and I spent a lot of time auditing. I always had excellent results on my pcs: in metered sessions, I got a lot of TA motion (Tone arm motion — a measurement on the meter of how much "charge" is gotten off the person) — I always got "Very Well Done" grades on my sessions and (guilt!) some people joined staff, and even the Sea Org (when Johannesburg came down to recruit), after I had audited. I never ONCE made an error with my auditing.

So, my sessions kept people "winning" and as a result, endeared them to the cult. GUILT! I have SO much guilt over this — then, I enjoyed the "power" of being able to run sessions so well, of having vulnerable people get deeper into Scientology because they got "wins" from my application of Hubbard's auditing technology. This is not easy for me to admit publically — but by sharing those parts of me that I am deeply ashamed of, I am aiming to help people understand how human failings DO play their part in this cult — the cult would not be able to continue as it is without these human failings to exploit.

A LUCKY ESCAPE

At this stage, a recruitment team came to Cape Town, from Flag. They took one look at me, at the results on my pcs, even though I was only auditing the lower levels, and they decided they wanted me, and wanted me BAD. They put the pressure on — to join the Sea Org at Flag and do the Class 8 Auditor Training program. I was so far gone, I wanted it too — more than anything I had ever wanted.

Ironically, it was another human failing that saved me — (grin) my ex-husband's ego! He just could not STAND the thought that I would "progress" in Scientology way ahead of him. He was already having great difficulty in dealing with my "success" at the local Org, this was just the end for him! Not that he would have minded going to the States, or joining the Sea Org, but he was PEEVED that they didn't offer it to him. He said that if I went, he would divorce me, and make things VERY difficult for me financially.

I still loved him, even though our marriage was such a monumental failure — I was not prepared to give up on the marriage yet. And so I resisted the VERY professional pressure that Flag put on me to join.

LEAVING STAFF

The pressure I was under, the long hours, the discipline, the adverse effect on my day job, my buried disagreeements slowly began to take their toll — something deep, deep inside of me was beginning to revolt at being on staff. I was like a shooting star that burnt out — because despite my success on staff, the SPIRITUAL side of me had virtually died. The reason I joined staff — to help people — had been perverted into a fast-paced intensity of stats, power-hunger, ego-stroking — in fact it had very little to do with my concept of help.

I had lost my ability to love and care (dirty words in Scientology vocabulary), I lost my self-determinism, my ability to be analytical — and I had become hard, cold, manipulative, charming, forceful, aggressive, cruel and very, very impatient with slowness. My marriage was in tatters, and I had treated my family and friends abominably. Something deep, deep inside of me cried out — ENOUGH !!!!!!

And so, I routed off staff. They couldn't give me a security check, because of the order that I could have no auditing (by the way, the Jhb Case Supervisor, D. K. is now in the RPF — Rehabilitation Project Force — I am VERY upset about this), and so they couldn't stop me from leaving. The Cape Town Case Supervisor, J., who had been on staff for 6 years before I joined, and was my senior, was shocked that I wanted to leave. She wanted to know why — basically I told her that the spiritual side of me was dying. She was affected in a MAJOR way by this, and left 2 weeks after I did. She cited my leaving as the reason for her leaving.

I was hit with a Freeloader Bill of R9500 for the courses I had studied. Like an idiot, I took a loan out from the Bank, because I still wanted to continue with Scientology. I had also taken out another loan, while on staff, of R5600 for a life-time membership to the International Association of Scientologists. This was a result of an aggressive money-raising campaign by the IAS to combat the "suppression" of Scientology in Germany.

The debts were getting deeper and deeper.

More to follow in Part 8

Kim Baker

After leaving staff, I was very difficult to live with. I took a break from Scientology, but could not settle into normal life. I was irritable and aggressive, felt empty and purposeless. The inte[n]sity was gone, and normal human life irritated and bored me. My ex was much nicer to me — he was pleased that I had stepped out of the "lime-light" — now HE could get some attention, and ironically, our marriage improved a while. But, I was restless.

BEING "PUBLIC" AGAIN

I missed the Org, and Scientology, and so I signed up for two more courses — the PTS/SP course and Level 2 Auditor Training. (Cost: R3000, and a further loan from the Bank). I went back onto course, and everything felt "right" again. The PTS/SP (Potential Trouble Source/ Suppressive Person) course deals with Suppression, and vulnerability to Suppression. It teaches the Scientologist how to "handle" any criticism of Scientology or Hubbard, and includes the policy on "How to handle Black PR" (Black propoganda  is assumed to be any criticism of Scientology). This is a very, very interesting course, and VERY revealing as to how the cult responds to criticism. Of course, there are deeper levels, and I have seen these (won't say how or who) — deadly stuff, if used correctly.

I started my Level 2 course, and was almost finished, when something happened that altered my life dramatically.

THE END OF MY MARRIAGE:

It was December 1993, when my ex was offered a job in Johannesburg. Much more money, and closer to a much bigger Org. He accepted it, and at the end of January, 1994, he left. Just like that.

He told everyone up there (I only found this out fairly recently) that I hadn't gone with him, because I didn't love him anymore. In fact, I hadn't joined him, because I didn't have time to find a job up there, and I knew that he would NEVER support me financially while I was looking. I had all these debts, and I couldn't just stop working. So, I stayed on in Cape Town, but started to look for employment in Johannesburg — not knowing, at this stage, what he had told everyone.

By June, 1994, I had negotiated a job, and he flew down to discuss the logistics of moving. It soon became apparent that he did not want me to join him. I later found out that if I did, it would ruin the new "image" he had built up for himself in the Scientology community — the image that people had seen through in Cape Town. After some predictable and protracted fights, we agreed to divorce. He didn't want to do it — didn't have time, he said, so I instituted proceedings, and the divorce went through, uncontested, in August 1994. He will NEVER be called to book for his actions within the Church of Scientology, by the way — their so-called "justice" system is flawed — because he makes (and gives them) a lot of money, they will never make him answer for any of this. So much for their "justice".

DISCOVERING ALT.RELIGION.SCIENTOLOGY

It was in August that I discovered a.r.s. I had been cyber-surfing for months before, and stumbled on it by accident. I was fascinated, amazed at how much people dared to say. I lurked for quite a while, and then "boldly" started posting a few articles — on racism, sexism — and a few minor disagreements that I had had. OSA Africa phoned me shortly after that, and read back some of my articles to me. I received quite a shock, I did not realise that they were aware of the board. OSA Africa, by the way, does not have a connection to the Internet, yet, so OSA International must have informed them.

MY "HANDLING"

Someone flew down from the Sea Org, in Johannesburg on a mission. Part of the mission was to "handle" me. C did an "ethics" handling on me. Something in me rebelled at the objection of the Church to my postings, and I posted my annoyance to the net. Remember, although I had posted a few critical articles, I had not, within myself, made a break from Scientology. My criticism stemmed from the contradictions — the racism isssue, many others, and the fact that my ex-husband had behaved in a way that I couldn't reconcile with him being "Clear."

After I had posted my annoyance to the net, i.e had disobeyed their order to "shut up" they, sent in the heavies. Now I KNOW everyone wants to know about this part the most. I would ask everyone now, to please respect my right to privacy on this one — there is a very, very good reason that I don't post this — in that it enters the arena of legal action — I am not going to sue, but I would like to have it as a trump card if ever the harassment gets too much. Please respect this right, and accept that it may be my only defence against them if the need arises. It is sufficient to [s]ay that my "handling" was co-ercive in nature, and that it succeeded in "snapping" me back into the mind-set of a Scientologist. Which upset a great number of the a.r.s. community.

More to follow in Part 9

Kim Baker

BEING A SCIENTOLOGIST ON A.R.S

And so, I started posting as a Scientologist to a.r.s. I received private communications from a few Scientologists who lurk here — "Welcome back to the Theta world" type of thing — there weren't many — about 5, after the infamous "Doubt announcement" posting.

I was not allowed to join the Scientologist forum, "Theta-L" until I had worked my way up into a condition of "Normal" (this would take QUITE a while). And that's when they made their first mistake. Because at that stage, I was totally committed to being a Scientologist. They denied me communication, as a punishment, I suppose, but they did NOT realise how much communication I was receiving in private from the members of a.r.s — "Delete all entheta mail" they said — but how could I delete messages which showed nothing but care and concern? To me, those messages were NOT entheta, and so I read them, each and every one. To all of those who wrote to me then, I say THANK YOU — your strongest weapon was the fact that you CARED, you genuinely CARED, and that reached deep, deep in, below all the mind-control, and touched me. It played a MAJOR role in helping me finally break with the Church.

A NOTE ABOUT DENNIS AND I

Most of you will remember the fracas between Dennis Erlich and I , when he posted my private e-mail. He took MAJOR heat over that, and I feel it necessary to explain my part in it. When I first arrived on a.r.s., I befriended him in private, and we became good friends. Then, when I suddenly turned, I stopped communicating with him. He became convinced that I was an OSA operative, and thought I had been all along — I DON'T BLAME him — when you have been in as deep into the Church as he has, when you have been betrayed by double-double-counter agents as many times as he has, what else could he think?

In fact, and THIS is the REAL danger of mind-control — NO-ONE instructed me to go for Dennis, I decided, from my Scientology mind-set, that Dennis was to be attacked, because he has been declared a Suppressive person. And now I am going to open up and expose a part of myself that I am DEEPLY, deeply ashamed of. I had seen the hopelessly incompetent attempts of the Scientologists to try and "handle" a.r.s. — embarressingly stupid. Brian Wenger's posting of Dennis's files onto the net was just IDIOTIC. All that did was disgust everyone.

So, I saw what was needed and wanted — "handle" a.r.s — start by exposing Dennis Erlich as a Suppressive. But let him do it HIMSELF. So, I provoked Dennis. I manoevred him into a position where he had no choice but to attack me (CRINGE — I knew he cared enough to do it, if he didn't care, he would have left it, because he's no fool, he knew EXACTLY what I was doing — I USED his care for me against him!!) He also knew, that I was a bit brighter than most of the Scientologists here, and he knew that I was dangerous — he tried to warn others, and with good reason — because I knew what I was going to do next to handle a.r.s. — go for the sharp ones, individually — Martin had quite a tussle with me, in private, but I backed off. I couldn't coninue with it, it sickened me.

And so Dennis went for me. Only he and I knew what was really going on. He got flamed. My strategy was a success. It turned many people (not all, some saw through it) against him. How were you all to know what you were dealing with??? THIS is the deviousness that mind-control creates. I am really, really sorry everyone. If you feel disgust for me, I understand. I feel utter disgust for myself, that I sunk to such depths. And that I was so good at it.

No, I still don't think publishing private e-mail without the person's permission is acceptable. But in this one instance, it was all Dennis could do. Dennis and I are friends again. We have made up, he has forgiven me. He understands. I am still ashamed of it, I still have to work through my guilt.

More to follow in Part 10

Kim Baker

So, I had gained the admiration of some of the Scientologists on the net with my "success" in "exposing" Dennis. They are divided on the a.r.s issue — some feel that a.r.s are just a "bunch of misfits" and that Scientologists should NOT post to a.r.s., and give the "SPs" a "game" — they think that if there are no Scientologists posting, you'll all get bored and just go away. Hah! Others feel that something should be done to handle a.r.s., and those were the ones who were very, very impressed by my "handling" of Dennis. Ironically, (and here comes ANOTHER contradiction), they all felt that I had done MAJOR damage to the Church with my first few "critical" postings. Yet, they consider a.r.s not important!

If they respond to my public confession at all, it will probably be to quote "The code of a Scientologist", and say that my "handling" of Dennis was a violation of this code, and therefore I was not acting as a Scientologist should. Hah! That is double-think, and a classic way that they set people up to take the fall for something, while denying any part in it themselves. An old strategy. No, I was acting EXACTLY as a Scientologist should, when dealing with a "Suppressive".

THE FINAL BREAK FROM THE CULT

The episode with Dennis shocked me — at what I was capable of. It resulted in me splitting into TWO DISTINCT personalitites — the real me, and the "Scientologist" me. I was still waiting for the famed Security Check that I had agreed to go in for when I first "re-converted". I went through one of the most intense inner struggles that I have EVER been through, and I became impatient for the Security Check and Clearance, which would enable me to go back into Scientology. I knew that the "Scientology" me was losing the battle.

And this is the second mistake the Church made. If they had got me in for my Sec Check, at this stage, I would have been lost forever. It was THAT close. Fortunately for me, and many others, their own incompetence and slowness delayed the Security Check. In the meantime, while continuing to read a.r.s., I saw the affidavits, and then the exposure of Scientology infiltration into our new government here in South Africa by a South African newspaper. Well do I know that WISE is a front group for Scientology. This, combined with the hundreds of private communications I continued to receive from concerned members on a.r.s, who would not give up on me, and my deep guilt over what had happened with Dennis, and what I nearly did to Martin (and others) in private — all cumulatively led to the TRUE me winning.

Deep, deep inside, I made the break. I posted to a.r.s for the first time in ages, in response to the article on South Africa. This brought in several stern reprimands from Scientologists on the net. I had been ordered NOT to read a.r.s anymore. I ignored them. I continued posting, and the ME, the REAL ME came flooding back, with FORCE. My cult persona was finally dead! I was BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

FREEDOM!!!

I have been REVELLING in my freedom to communicate again, and since I started posting the "my story" series, I have been FLOODED with communications from around the world. OSA must have panicked, realising that they had bungled over the Sec Check, because their last, most subtle attempt to silence me, using my dear friend H to get me back, was the most deadly on their part. That was the true test for me. In breaking with her, I have broken my last link to them, forever! It hurt like bloody hell, but I had seen enough to know. I can never trust her again, she is answerable to Flag by virtue of being an OT8, and I know she will lie to me, or trick me, if it is necessary.

I WILL BE ATTACKED SOON

They will probably declare me a Suppressive person, in my absence, and not inform me. Now that they have realised that I am not going back, that I will NEVER go back, they will haul out their tired old "How to handle Black PR" policy — and they will try to discredit me, ruin my reputation, expose my "overts", and if this fails…well, THAT will be interesting, because, per the policy, "ONLY COUNTERATTACK handles" — so I am prepared for some very real attacks on me now. Open attacks, covert attacks — I am in for it, I know. For daring to speak out. For daring to depart Scientology publically .

I have set up an elaborate system whereby if anything happens to me, you will all be informed of it. Newspapers will be informed of it. Several agencies will be informed of it. And everyone will be informed of many other things too.

So, OSA, if you DO resort to covert means, the end result will be VERY embarressing to you. I would advise you to leave me alone.

More to follow in Part 11

Kim Baker

The personal part of my story is now told. The telling of my story has been like a confession, and exorcism — and I didn't have to pay for it!! It has helped me finish with the Church of Scientology, and the massive feedback I have had tells me it has helped many other people as well — which is wonderful. The support I have had has been nothing short of ASTOUNDING — I thank you all for your encredible caring, support and love. I love you too!

WHERE TO NOW?

I have to finish healing, personally, on my own now. In a few days, I am going to take a holiday — mountains, sea (it is summer here!), forests, old friends, art, music, good times! I am going to reclaim my life for ME before I consider what I will do next. I am not the type of person that can just forget an evil, and go on with my life — so I will be back next year. The CoS will no longer dominate my life, but I WILL give a portion of it to opposing this evil — and focus the rest of my energies on being creative — on working towards constructive goals, so badly needed here in South Africa.

In closing, I'd like to offer some of my thoughts, and my position as regards the Church of Scientology.

REFELECTIONS

The profile of the participants on a.r.s is very interesting: out and out sceptics, scientists who see the "religion" aspect as a complete fraud; ex-Church members who have either rejected Scientology and any form of spirituality completely, or who have continued using the religion while rejecting the Church, or who have taken up a new religion; people who have never been in Scientology, but are concerned about the cult aspect, and occasionally, even some Scientologists!

WHY SINGLE OUT THE CHURCH OF SCIENTOLOGY FOR ATTACK?

Everyone's attention has been captured by the ACTIONS of the Church of Scientology (as distinct from the religion/philosophy of Scientology). The Church is UNIQUE in its aggressive litigation and harassment of critics — unique from any religion, any cult. This draws attention to it, and distinguishes it as an organisation needing closer scrutiny. It is UNIQUE in its copyrighting of its materials — "religious scriptures" — while calling them "trade secrets". It is UNIQUE in the exhorbitant charges it levies at its adherents — called "donations" — where in fact these donations are fixed, and services cannot be taken WITHOUT them, and without membership of the International Association of Scientologists (a registered business). The Church is UNIQUE in its exploitation of legal loop-holes, using an armery  of highly paid lawyers, paid for from its billion dollar "War Chest". It is UNIQUE in its use of front groups, such as WISE, NARCANON, Education Alive, etc.

It is THESE aspects that provoke such anger and outrage from society — these aspects that explain the continued attacks on the Church, the singling out of it from other cults.

IT FITS THE PROFILE OF A CULT AS WELL

Then, there are other practices that the Church uses, which parallel those used by other cults — the "shunning" of critics, punishing of dissenters, subtle mind control, emotional manipulation, the COMPLETE absorbtion of people's lives, demands for loyalty, etc.

The mind control aspect is a whole subject on its own — I could write VOLUMES in it — I may still do, as in this world as it stands now, mind control needs to be researched and understood in order to effectively combat it — too little is known about it.

MIND CONTROL — THE ANTITHESIS OF FREE WILL

For now, I will limit myself to just saying this: ANYTHING that demands the relinquishing of your own thoughts, your own FREE WILL, and the total acceptance of another's thoughts, without question, is mind control. How do I justify my conclusion that the Church uses mind control? The founder of the Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard, had this to say:

"We have learned the hard way that an individual from the public must NEVER be asked to DECIDE or CHOOSE…you can teach them anything, particularly the truth. But never ask them to decide…by processing up through the grades, this person will soon begin to see and be there and understand and decide. And she'll surely decide she's a Scientologist, as its true all the way."

From HCO Policy Letter 16th April 1965, "Handling the Public Individual", by L. Ron Hubbard.

There you have it. No free will, free thought or choice is allowed UNTIL you become a Scientologist. Once you have accepted their way of thinking, free will is no longer a threat — because of course, you now think like them.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, in a nutshull, is mind control.

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT?

To dismiss the philosophy of Scientology as a complete fraud is dangerous. To ban the Church outright, is wrong. Because this will only kill off the evil of mind control, without UNDERSTANDING WHY this phenonmenon persists — and all that will happen is that it will re-group, and emerge in another form. To deal with it effectively, we have to UNDERSTAND it. And there is only ONE way to do that.

GET THE COPYRIGHTS LIFTED! Let the public SEE these materials, and judge for themselves. There are several people working on this — give them any support you can. Contact the experts via FACTNET. Get the whole subject of Scientology BACK INTO THE AREA OF FREE WILL, OF CHOICE. In this way, those who see the philosophy as a load of rubbish, can continue to reject it out of choice. Those who are interested in the philosophy of Scientology can explore and use it WITHOUT being bankrupted, hurt, forced, manipulated, brainwashed, co-erced, controlled, brutalized and used.

In this way, the litigation, the harassment, the use of front groups, the infiltration of governements, the goal of world domination, the danger of an Orwellian 1984 nightmare, can be avoided. It is the only way. AND IT IS WHAT THE CHURCH FEARS THE MOST.

HOW CAN WE DO THIS?

Simple. Tell everyone about it, get literature on the crimes of the organisation and show it to people. Educate, educate, educate! When there is enough awareness, and enough support, lobby your governments. I can tell you from personal experience, there is NOTHING any government, any court of law can do to oppose THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE. South Africa is the proof of this. Contact FACTNET  (sorry guys, I know you're overloaded), and get guidance from them. DON'T take on the Church on an individual basis — that is why they have continued to persist, as it is very easy for an organisation to crush an individual. TAKE THEM ON WITH THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE!!!!

AND FINALLY…

Personally, I have not decided on my own spiritual future. When I do, when I am ready, it will be by CHOICE — I can be a sceptic, a buddhist, a freezoner, a Christian — who knows? I have reclaimed the right to DECIDE for myself!

And that is my story. Thank you all for listening. I love you!

Kim Baker

Kim Baker has asked me to post this series of three messages on her behalf.

If you have archived her "My Story" on your web site, please add these additional chapters.

Ron Newman

              

I have decided to release this publically, now. I have Arnie Lerma and Lawrence Wollersheim's assurance that FACTNet will not turn on Bob Penny. Due to the sensitive nature of the legal issues, I do not require a detailed statement from them at this stage, their word is good enough for me, because I know them. I also know Bob Penny, and have met him, and can assure you that he is suffering, and his physical condition is deteriorating. That Scientology could persist with their case against him is the most utterly inhumane and cruel action I have encountered in this area, yet.

Kim Baker
28 August 1996

MY STORY CONTINUES.

THE BEAST

by Kim Baker, Copyright 1996

For Bob Penny, Margery Wakefield, Jon Atack, Paulette Cooper, Monica Pignotti, Arnie Lerma, and countless others who know what The Beast is.

INTRO:

I started writing this so many times. And then had to stop. And try again, and again. This is one of the most difficult things I have ever done, and not something I particularly relish doing. It would be so easy just to move on, and forget it all. My urge has been to get as far away from everyone and everything associated with this, as possible. I still feel that way. So, why am I writing it? There are two reasons. The one is that it follows on from "My story". To leave "My story", as it stands on the web, is to leave an incomplete story, and one that could mislead people. The second reason is that I have a responsibility to all the people I let down, particularly those in FACTNet, to make the truth public. I have no part of FACTNet anymore, but I at least owe them this.

This will show that I was not "instantly cured" of my cult conditioning, like I seemed to be to those who knew me, and it will show the lengths that Scientology will go to, to wipe out its opposition. CAN and FACTNet are at the top of Scientology's list of enemies. With CAN's demise, Scientology now has more resources to devote to the destruction of FACTNet. I know for a fact this is their number one goal — to have FACTNet rendered ineffective and neutralised — to have what they see as a "hate group" destroyed, because it contains information critical of them — and very damning — it has the documentation from the FBI raids, and several accounts and testimonies of former members.

Both of those organisations were/are there to help people. But they cannot survive without the reciprocal help and support of people. So, the final part of the reason I have decided to write this is to appeal, as widely as possible, for people everywhere to support FACTNet now.

Scientology has millions of dollars in its coffers, it is an international organisation, staffed by hundreds of people, and can afford to keep litigation going forever, from the vast amounts of money procured from its highly-priced courses and auditing levels. "One life-time is not long enough to litigate against Scientology", boasted David Miscavige at the 1994 IAS (International Association of Scientologists) event. What kind of a "religion" is that?

MY STORY and ARS:

"My story" ended up "happily-ever-after", with my monumental stupidity, and stars in my eyes while I rode into the sunset. Only it was a fake sunset, made out of cast iron, and I rode straight into it and crashed. This account is how it *really* ended. Warning: this is not light, fun, bed-time reading. It'll probably make you sick.

CONTEXT:

I wrote "My Story", took a break, then hung out on alt.religion.scientology (hereafter referred to as ARS) for a while, enjoying the opportunity to express my opinion, and talk to people. ARS was a very important "place", for me, personally. Stuck out here in South Africa, there are no support groups, or places to go to meet people who have had similar experiences. I was alone here, and thus ARS had a perhaps exaggerated importance to me — it was my *sole* source of support. I have now, as a result of the events I am about to reveal, cut myself off from all individuals and groups in this conflict, and any form of support. I prefer to go it alone now.

In those days, ARS was still quite a pleasant place to hang out. For an ex-Scientologist recently out. As it stands now, I wouldn't recommend anyone who is in any way vulnerable to do anything more than lurk there. There is a VAST gap of understanding between critics, who have entered this group because of the threat to the Internet, and people who have actually personally been in Scientology, and then left for various reasons. For someone who has never been subjected to the series of processes that are designed to alter your mind, they just cannot understand where the ex-members are coming from. They cannot understand the handicap those people carry within themselves, which often manifests in their behavioral patterns. You can only really understand it if you've experienced it. And so, critics (I would like to believe) inadvertantly  hurt ex-members, by going on about what stupid and terrible people those ex-members are — making the damage worse, making it that much more difficult to re-integrate into society.

There is, however, a positive side to that — the critics are unaffected by the the techniques that instill fear or guilt into ex-members. They don't fall for the same lines. They are immune, because they have never been conditioned in the first place. The only thing they fall for, is Scientology's "Dead Agenting" tactics — character assassinations of ex-members. This has driven many ex-members from the group. So, ARS is *not* a good place for an ex-member, who is not *well* on the road to recovery, or has a *very* thick skin, to be. It is most definitely *not* a support group.

THE RAIDS:

The raid by Scientology on Arnie Lerma, a Director of FACTNet who posted the infamous Fishman documents to the Internet when they were still publically  available court records, outraged me. For that matter, the earlier one on Dennis Erlich, too, but I thought that the raid on Dennis was a once-off, and that they (Scn) wouldn't be stupid enough to do it *again*. But they did. On Arnie. Purportedly because Steve Fishman had managed to be the first person to get the so-called OT materials (Scientology's Upper Level, confidential, and highly expensive processes) included in the court records, (people often forget that, when they go on about how terrible Steve Fishman is, that he was the first one to achieve this) and Scientology claimed copyright infringements. The history of all this is documented on the web.

I couldn't believe it. This was apartheid South Africa come to America. Where the police could raid your home, search your private property, and mess you around any way they pleased, any time of day or night, because it was a "State of Emergency." They raided Arnie's home for alleged *copyright infringements*? This was nothing short of outrageous. America is looked at by people in my region of the world as a symbol of hope, of freedom, of what things should be like. (of course, the fact that all this wonderful freedom came after the colonisers put their boot in the face of the American Indian, and was about to do the same to African Americans is a matter of some considerable concern to me. But I digress.)

And although it never happened in my country, I felt personally moved to oppose this travesty of justice in the strongest possible terms. In my country, we have very low expectations of justice and freedom, based on our ghastly history. But if the so-called free world was going to start resorting to this, then the world is in trouble. God, not in *America*. Oh yes, in America. And they hadn't finished yet, although I didn't know that at that stage.

FACTNet:

Bob Penny and I had been talking, about FACTNet, and various other things. FACTNet is an electronic library, with materials on various cults, including Scientology, and was started by Lawrence Wollersheim, who is the Executive Director, and Bob Penny, also a Director at that stage.

It was at this time that Bob invited me onto the Board of Directors, and I was voted on by the Board. The idea was that I would come on, and just take my time, getting the feel of things, what it was all about, and define my own role after a while. I was very excited at the idea of an electronic library on the subject of coercive psychology, and research, and a unique chance to participate in the analytical examination of this whole cult phenomenon. I knew that coercive psychology extends to political groups, businesses, etc. It is just *so* broad. It was something I still didn't really understand, and so researching and documenting it was just *the* best thing. I knew that Bob has Multiple Sclerosis, and that he needed help with editing, and various other things, so, as agreed, I came on board on a low profile. Bob and I were in the middle of a conversation when suddenly mail just stopped coming. I had a chill down my spine, and then the word came through, he and Lawrence had been raided. This was just unbelievably INSANE! Had the authorities gone totally mad? I was totally cut off, I couldn't get through to either of them on the telephone, and I didn't know what was going on. I decided to jump in feet first to draw as much public attention and outrage to the Raids as I possibly could, and my only vehicle, stuck out here in the "Bush", was ARS. I posted a press release that Lawrence and Bob and I had been working on, ahead of schedule — because I didn't know when I'd hear from them again. I was also worried sick about Bob, and his medical condition, and what this Gestapo-like tactic would do to his health.

This catapulted me into a public leadership role I most certainly was *not* ready for. But I was the only one left who could speak, and so I just shut my eyes, and plunged in, and hoped for the best. Hah. Never hope for the best. As a result of being the only one, despite the fact that I had very little idea of what was happening in the States, and had to rely on people getting things th[r]ough to me, with the time-zone difference that would sometimes be "old" news by the time I received it, I started getting swamped with e-mail. Sometimes 100 – 250 a day, I'd have to stay on at work to attend to it after hours, sometimes until midnight. I don't have a computer at home, very few South Africans can afford this luxury — so my computer was always a half hour drive away from where I live. This becomes relevant later.

It was like being back in an Org, on staff! I mostly enjoyed it, talking to people, helping others, etc., but I wasn't in a position to answer important queries on finance, the legal situation, etc. I simply did not have the knowledge. And I was quite overwhelmed by the sheer volume. And I was unaware of the fact that I had, by becoming a Director of FACTNet, just placed a target on myself, and invited OSA to shoot. I started being "zoomed" in private e-mail, by various OSA identities. And I read the stuff. And it affected me. Yes. It DAMN well affected me. Where it would not have affected someone who had never been conditioned to the Scientology world view, it touched on things deep within me, left over from my earlier programming.

THE BOMB THREAT:

In the week preceding the bomb threat phone call that Malcolm Nothling (a litigant against Scientology, who lives in South Africa, but is not on the Internet) received, I had already started to feel really, really stretched and stressed out. I had received a lot of e-mail from various posters whom I assume were Scientologists, and/or OSA, appealing to things in me that I had thought were gone: "Why are you attacking that which gives spiritual freedom?". It was in e-mail. I had been analysing Andrew Milne's (at that stage, the only "official" Scientology representative on ARS) posts, for hints of where they were going to hit, etc, and also to counter his PR lies.

But the damn things were affecting me. I was feeling my geographical distance very strongly. I had a concern about what Milne claimed to be Arnie's connection to Willis Carto. I felt myself mentally wobbling. I didn't feel I could tell any of the others, because they all were under fire and pressure, too. They were in fact, under much worse pressure than me, and they didn't need me whingeing and whining about how I felt.

So, I recognised the danger of the state I was in, and was looking for a way to withdraw from the conflict for a while.

Then there was the South African scene. Sigh. I was very definitely fighting too many battles. Anyhow. In addition to all this, Malcolm and I had been tense with each other — he thought I was a plant, (a "plant" can be defined as an OSA operative, a "field agent", or "Field Staff Member" (FSM), who moves in on an area, under an identity, for the purpose of gathering intelligence information on Scientology's defined targets, to pass back on to them — OSA Investigations, or OSA Invest, use expendible FSMs for this purpose) I think he had for a while, and I was bothered by his former police/SADF ties (SADF — South African Defence Force — the army which kept the apartheid regime in place, and conscription was compulsory for all white males).

So, Malcolm and I had never really been comfortable with each other. He never even knew I had become a Director of FACTNet until quite late in the day. And he had no idea of the high-profile I had on the net at that stage. I tried to tell him, but he couldn't understand — you can't really, unless you've actually seen what the net is about.

I had a week's study leave coming up, for an International Politics exam. Since I don't have a computer at home, this was to be the break I badly needed. And then Malcolm phoned me, and told me about the bomb threat. He had received a call from someone with a Zimbabwean accent, who said that as a result of the ruling in the Gerry Armstrong case, a Scientology org was going to be bombed. He asked Malcolm if he wanted to be part of the operation, since he had expertise in the field of explosives.

I immediately said to Malcolm that it sounded like an OSA op, and he said no, he was *convinced* it was genuine, it was going to happen, and he didn't want to be framed for it when it happened, and would I post to the Net saying it happened, and that he disassociates himself from it. I was hesistant, knowing the effect this might have on the FACTNet scenario, but I also felt obliged to help him, because he had been standing alone in South Africa, for seven years, going through sheer hell, and his case just never coming to trial — a fault of our totally laughable court system. He and I talked, and then got into an argument — he asked me *why* I was in the fight, what were my motives, he said he thought I should get out while I still had some dignity, and I thought to myself how much Milne's posts had affected me…and how much I wanted to get out…but it was a long call, late at night…two hours I think, and we just went round and round in circles, till he suggested I just post the thing, and resign at the same time. *He* was the one who suggested I link the two. And I was so confused — I couldn't understand why my *own* side was blowing me off, and I started thinking maybe *he* was working for the Church, and oh man, it just got ridiculous. The next morning, instead of doing the logical thing and discussing it with Bob, I just posted the message.

I found out later, after making peace with him and then going our separate ways, that Malcolm did what he did because he cared about me. He didn't want me to get hurt, and he knew, far better than I, what the pitfalls were. I think he thought I thought it was all a game, and I didn't realise just what I had gotten myself into. He felt I should just get on with my life, and stay out of the jungle. He was not the only one to warn me. Dennis Erlich also did, in the early days, warn me not to become the "poster child" of ARS — both of them saw in me, I think, the danger of that conditioning which had had a deeper impact on me than I or the critics wanted to recognise.

But I didn't see it. And I posted the message. And then, I had a very bad feeling that something was going to happen, so I scrabbled together something I'd been working on, on the similarities between Hubbard and Hitlers'  organisational and political structures, but I didn't have time to do a fully researched report, just pieced together the basics, and I got it to Bob. Both Lawrence and Bob asked me to reconsider my resignation, and I told both of them I needed time to get my head together. And because Malcolm so had the wind up about this bomb threat thing, and because *he* took it seriously, I did, too. I assumed, because he had so much experience with fighting Scientology, and I had so little, that if he said something was so, then it was. I trusted his judgement over mine. He was the one who received the call, not me.

Malcolm and I *both* made a mistake there. That was my first mistake.

And then I did something really, really stupid. I didn't think so at the time, I thought it was perfectly reasonable. I phoned David (OSA, Johannnesburg), and told him I was leaving the conflict. I had hoped that if I told them I was out of it, they would leave me alone and the danger I was feeling in regard to my own mental state could be averted, because I believed them when they had previously said they wouldn't attack unless someone attacked them first. He asked me to put it in writing and fax it to him. I did. Yes. I *did* that. The fax was full of apologies and guilt and concern at what I saw to be the hatred on the Internet.

And I thought that was that. Oh God. Oh God. If only it had been. If only they had just left it at that, and let me go. But no. I got myself into this. I've got to go all the way down the road, now. To be absolutely fair to David, I had sent him confusing signals too. I *didn't* like the harshness on the Internet, the invective against Scientologists, it was affecting me *as if* I was still a Scientologist. I genuinely wished there could be some way to alleviate this and I still believed there could be some reasonable way out of this. However, to an OSA-trained Sea Org member, this must have sounded like I was ready to do Steps A-E. Strike a blow to the "enemy" (critics) without regard to personal danger. I forgot that. I forgot how they think. *Monumental* stupidity on my part.

*That* was the point where I let everyone down. To be stupid enough to make friendly overtures to the OSA, I should have known better, I really should. I offer no excuse. I did *not* intend at that stage to betray everyone, at all. I just wanted out, because I knew I wasn't sufficiently recovered to hold onto my views — my cult indoctrination was still too recent — less than a year, and I was in for four years. I just wanted OSA to know that I was out, and leave me alone. My fear of them was that they *would* have a power over me, I had been indoctrinated to fear them, whereas a critic would just laugh in their face.

THE BELLY OF THE BEAST:

On 17th October, 1995, I had just started my study leave, and was preparing to study for my exam — had a lot to get through, as I'd neglected it in the last two months, after joining FACTNet — and I was working full-time, so I had a week to cram a year's work.

And at 5.25 pm or so, there was a pounding knock on the door of my apartment (we say "flat" here, but I've become so used to saying "apartment" for the Americans). At the time, I had someone staying with me — I had invited them to stay, a few months ago because they were very ill, and needed someone to take care of them for a while. They were in the apartment when this happened. Knock, knock, and then trying the door handle. Jesus. I knew. I said : — "don't answer" — and then I saw David, going to the other flats (it's a ground floor flat, with little blocks around a lawn), asking the neighbours where I was…oh God, it *is* him. What was he *doing* here? I had thought that my location in Cape Town, literally on the edge of the world, would protect me, since OSA Africa is based in Johannesburg.

I didn't want the person staying with me to know what any of this was, the shock could have killed them. Literally. I had to protect them from the OSA goons. So I opened the door when David pounded again, and stood outside with him.

I asked him what he wanted, and he said just to talk a bit, and that he had come down from Johannesburg for a mission, and that he thought he'd say hello to me while he was here. I was wary, and so I stalled him, and said that I was in the middle of something, and would he come back in an hour. He was very reluctant, but then said, OK, well maybe we can grab some supper, or so. He made out like it was very casual. I had no wish to have supper, or talk to him, and I certainly had not invited him to meet with me, but I didn't want to antagonise him, and have him create a scene, which would have upset the person staying with me.

I went back inside. I was wavering — what the hell do I do? I knew that I needed help, I wouldn't be able to get rid of him by myself. Anyhow, I figured I better call someone. I called Malcolm. He wasn't there, and I didn't leave a message on his machine. I didn't feel, after our last conversation, that he was someone I could turn to. There was no-one else in South Africa. I tried to call Lawrence in the States, but he wasn't there either — it was a bad time. What could anyone over there have done, anyway? This wasn't their country. Different laws, different conditions, totally different circumstances. I became aware of how far from this artificial world of cyberspace I was — of how you get the illusion of being connected to the world, but you're not, really. When the trouble comes, you're on your own. Or I was, anyhow. I had no support network around me, apart from Malcolm, and after our last conversation, even that tenuous thread was not there. I was on my own, and trying to protect someone who was ill.

And of course, I have no computer at home, so I couldn't send an e-mail out. I didn't want to drive to my place of work, and leave the person staying with me alone.

So, I called the police, and told them that there was someone bothering me, whom I didn't want to speak to, who would be coming back, and would they come around? I was nervous about having done this, because the police make me nervous, and I knew that David would be angry, but I felt that a police presence should get the message across that I wasn't willing to enter into a dialogue with David, and that he would back off, not wanting any trouble for Scientology with the law.

They never came. THEY NEVER CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This happens often — because they are very, very short staffed, badly underpaid, and cannot cope with the crime rate, which is escalating crazily (It's just been announced that Johannesburg — dear little Johannesburg — now has the highest crime rate in the *world!* That's higher than Mexico City, which is *huge* in comparison. While I live in Cape Town, and it's not quite as bad as Johannesburg, it's not far behind. The Manenburg street gangs. The vigilantes murdering drug dealers, taking the law into their own hands, because the law is failing. The Minister of Justice in hiding becuase of a threat on his life — and everyone says that if the police cannot protect a *cabinet minister*, then they can't protect anyone. Mad. The whole country's gone bloody mad. Everyone wants to blow everyone's head off, or set each other alight…and there's no protection from the police, you're on your own…just a semblance of some sort of system that occasionally, if you're lucky, works…but I digress again.)

I wasn't lucky, this was too trivial for them to bother with. I waited, they never came, and then David was back at the door. I was now terrified, I had relied on the fact that the police would come, and the problem would be solved, but that had not happened. And I realised that *I* had to deal with it, somehow, myself. The person staying with me wondered what all this was about, and I told them not to worry, that I was just going out for supper, and would be back in a hour or so. I just wanted to get him away from them. So, I went with him. I wanted to take my car, but he insisted we go in his. I wasn't terribly comfortable about that, but I went anyway. Already, even at this stage, like an IDIOT, I am responding to his "control", giving him a power over me which he is not entitled to. The conditioning has already kicked in. A simple thing like that. "My car". "No, MY car." "Oh, OK."

While we were in the car, he said he'd rather go back to his hotel (the Woodstock Holiday Inn) for supper, since it was easier, and there was someone he wanted me to meet. I went cold. I said "Who?" He laughed and said not to worry, it would be fine. My heart was in my stomach. On one level I knew. On another, I refused to face it, I'm just going to try and deal with whatever comes up as best I can. I kept telling myself that I had dealt with him before, I could do it again, and I kept telling myself that as long as I just hung on to my own view, I would be OK, I could handle it.

When he mentioned the "someone else", I wanted to tell him to stop the car, but I didn't. I have already, at this stage, relinquished my conscious adult rights, and am responding to him like a goddamn *kid*.

We went up to the hotel room, and there was one other person there. David introduced her to me as Anne, from OSA Int in LA. I never got her surname. They ordered supper, I didn't want any (food was the last thing I wanted right then), and were very friendly. I was cautious. David waved my fax at me and said they were here because I had said I wanted to settle. I replied that that was *not* what I meant at all.

They asked me why I had resigned FACTNet, and I said that I just needed some space and time. They said no, it was because I was basically a good person, I had decency, and I KNEW that I was attacking something that gave spiritual freedom. Oh my God. There it was again. I felt immediate guilt. I managed to stammer that I did not believe that Scientology gave spiritual freedom, but that I could concede that they believed it gave spiritual freedom to them. David brought up my past love of auditing, and asked how I could reconcile that urge to heal with "attacking" Scientology, that it didn't make sense.

He spoke of my "very high ARC", my decency, and he said he *knew* the hatred on the internet bothered me. Perfectly true, it did. I felt guilty, in some way responsible for that hatred, because I had lead the campaign of outrage against the raids on FACTNet. Even though I kept calling for more reason, more compassion, people were angry, and posting what I saw as hate-filled posts. What bothered me is that from having being a Scientologist so recently myself, I couldn't stop seeing them as *people* — no matter how wrong they were, they were still people, and I hated the cruel comments and insults that were slung at them. I forgot that they are mostly immune to these comments. The OSA people are. But your average walk-in public Scientologist is NOT. They are *human beings*, with thoughts and feelings and hopes and the ability to feel pain. Granted, they are being put through a series of mind-altering courses and procedures that will take all that away from them, but the process is often not complete. And so by insulting them, people are just hurting those parts of them that are human, and pushing them further into Scientology — people are just fulfilling Hubbard's description of "SPs." Many ex-Scientologists do NOT agree with me on this one, but I STILL, through everything, condemn the hatred of Scientologists. I *equally* condemn the suppression of rational criticism.

So, I had immense guilt over this. They portrayed themselves as very hurt at the attack on their spirituality, and I felt sick — I had always had the most intense belief in religious freedom, and the right to hold whatever religious beliefs one wanted. They pushed on this one, HARD. They appealed to my decency, my belief in God, belief in religious freedom, desire to heal, my love of people, my compassion. Huh. Some decency. I have nothing but contempt for myself. (Button number one: religious freedom — I can see it now, I couldn't then).

They started asking me about the copyrights, about FACTNet, and they hit on Arnie Lerma and Willis Carto right away. HOW could I support someone who had ties to a white supremacists? I replied that while I had never met Arnie, and had only corresponded with him, I had grown to love him and his spirit. They said how I could easily gain a false impression from e-mail only, and didn't the fact that he was friends with a white supremacist bother me? (Button number two — white supremacists, a *very* *very* strong one for me, because I've lived under their brutal regime all my life, and witnessed their savage cruelty over and over again). I admitted that I had trouble with that one, but that I didn't see how it was relevant here. They asked if I knew that Vaughn (Robert Vaughn Young, a former senior Public Relations officer for Scientology, who was in Scn for 20 years, and left in 1989 — hereafter referred to as RVY) also had ties to Carto.

I laughed and said that that was wrong, because RVY had only met Carto once, to explore a Nazi/Scn link, and that he'd posted this on the net. They left off RVY then, and went on about Arnie. They asked me if I'd ever asked Arnie about Carto, and I had. Arnie had not answered me fully at the time. They seized on that and asked why I thought that was.

Most people knew that I was particularly anti-racist, they said, Arnie probably did not want to be straight with me about that. And so, they successfully got me focused on this thing, and off my own focus, which was that Arnie and I had worked together opposing the *ideology* of Scientology. They got my focus off ideology, and onto personalities. Standard Dead Agenting tactic.

It went on and on and on. My head was spinning and spinning, and they kept evoking that guilt over "attacking their spiritual freedom". This was quite simply the thing that did it. I felt *so* guilty at my "evilness" in "attacking their spiritual freedom", that I blanked out the logical distinction of what "attacking" meant. It was just criticism. That's all. But I couldn't see that, because I was blinded by my own guilt.

They wanted me to write a confession of how I had received the Fishman documents from Arnie, and passed them on to Malcolm. I refused, saying I wasn't going to betray my friends, that I was prepared to take whatever they would do to me, since I admitted that I felt wrong in receiving and passing on their materials, which they held sacred, even if I didn't feel they were sacred — I actually thought they were evil, but they *considered* them sacred — so they could punish me, but I was not going to hurt my friends.

But I couldn't hold on to that.

It got so late, about 3.00 in the morning, and I was tired, and I just wanted to get out of there, and they said: "You would protect Wollersheim in attacking our right to practice the religion the way we want to? Wollersheim is attacking OUR religious freedom, and you would protect him?" I couldn't think straight, I asked for more time to think about it, but they just kept on and on. At that point, something happened to me. I still don't understand it. If you've never been in a cult, there's no WAY you'll understand it. But I "snapped". It felt like that. Suddenly, I was back in the Key to Life course-room, being indoctrinated about ethics, and how evil it is to attack Scientology. Suddenly, I was in that weird state of consciousness again. It was like my memory of the whole time I had been out of Scientology was erased. This is very hard for me to describe. I am not going to be able to put it in a way that people can understand. I just don't know how — all I can say is that my state of mind altered at that point, and I flipped into that old Scientology persona. Not completely. But I was ready to do anything to undo that "evil" I had been doing. Anything to stop the guilt.

I saw it their way, and scrawled down a short hand-written confession to the effect that I'd received the Fishman documents from Arnie, and passed them onto Malcolm. I wrote that I didn't know if Malcolm had ever received them.

They then congratulated me on doing the right thing, David said how much respect he had for my "courage and confront", and they essentially rewarded me with affection. I was so tired, I wanted to be sick, I just wanted to get home, so they took me home. It was about 4.00 in the morning when I arrived home. I vomited, and then I fell into an exhausted kind of sleep. That session had been from about 7.00pm till about 3.30 am, non-stop.

I awoke the next day, at about 6.00 am, and my whole state of consciousness was different…I kept thinking that I had to study, and I knew they were going to come back for more, but I felt that I had lost all control after writing the confession — I felt completely under their control now, it didn't even occur to me to try and contact anyone for help. This would have been the time I could have done it, but I didn't. Again, this is something a critic couldn't understand, but I felt mentally locked in, now. I was back in that mind-set, and I was in the process of having my thoughts altered, or in their eyes, "corrected".

I just felt completely alone, that all those people out there were just some electronic illusion, and that this, the OSA, were the only real things in my world.

The person staying with me had picked up that something weird was going on, but I asked them to just to give me space on this one, it was something I had to deal with myself.

I couldn't study, I couldn't sleep, I was exhausted and completely numb, and then they came back for more — again at about 5.00 pm, and they wanted to come inside my home this time, but I refused, to protect the person, and also, because I had several disks, private correspondence, personal letters, and tons of documentation of a private nature that I knew they would probably persuade me to turn over to them. That's why I say I didn't "flip" completely. There was still some part of me, deep down, that kept watch on all this. And it knew I couldn't trust myself to stick to my own will.

(continued in Part 2)

THE BEAST (continued from part 1)

"THERE IS NO LOADED MAGNUM IN THE ROOM":

This time, they had been in touch with the people in the States, and they had a whole lot of questions which they fired at me, interrogation style. Who was "nobbody@replay.com, SCAMIZDAT, Old Timer, Rogue Agent", and what did I know about "Grady Ward — was he the one doing SCAMIZDAT, who was behind Wollersheim, and anything incriminating I could tell them about Steven Fishman, Lawrence, David Mayo, Homer Wilson Smith, Arnie, RVY, Erlich, Malcolm, Joe Harrington, Jon Atack, and others. Hours and hours. I wasn't very helpful, but I did give them minimal answers.

They had some prepared statements, based on the previous interrogation, that they wanted me to sign. Three, in total, I think. I said: "No, I don't want to betray my friends". They said: "You already have! HOW can you be covert about it, you should at least be overt — you already have". (Meaning that I had already broken down and said that they were right, and confessed things to them. Button number three — guilt over my previous disingenuiousness as a Scientologist on ARS — I *handed* them these damn buttons with each and every post I made on the Internet, and with the fax. Note to the jargon-challenged: "covert" means underhand, two-faced, and "overt" means open and up-front — honest.)

And I thought about the thing I had scrawled last night and felt that that act had been the act of betrayal, and I *had* already betrayed everyone. I felt dead, numb, I was tired from no sleep, and again, it was about 2.30 am, and so I signed the three documents. The one funny thing about this was that they were as exhausted as I was. At least I wore them out. If nothing else.

My last bit of resistence, I said: "What happens if I don't sign them" — and Anne replied: "There is no loaded magnum in the room." I'll never forget those words. Or stay in a Holiday Inn, for that matter. "But you KNOW you have already betrayed your friends." And I signed. These three documents never came to anything, they were later shredded. But there *was* no loaded magnum in the room. Some of my friends said to me: "HOW could you have signed if there was no physical threat to you?" All I know is that these things now looked like the truth to me, and I thought I was signing something that was true. I would not have signed something I did not believe to be true, and I had come to believe that they were true. That's what my friends could not understand — that I had *believed* they were true.

I was tired, yes, and confused, and guilty, and frightened, but none of these excuse what I did. It was *my* signature there. Mine. Not theirs. They asked me to turn over my e- mail, and I stalled, initially. They took me home, and I collapsed again. This one was from about 5.30 pm till about 3.15 am.

THE BOMB THREAT (again):

Up until this stage, there had been no reference to the bomb threat. The next day, they came for me in the afternoon, and the questioning continued. Same questions, different order — who was SCAMIZDAT, what about Malcolm, Gerry Armstrong, Lawrence…and now, they started taping me. I didn't want to be taped, and I said so, but they just did — my resistence was virtually non-existant at this stage. So, they have hours and hours of me on tape, co-operating, friendly. In a sense, I *had* become an "agent" of theirs, now. Still not fully, though, there was a line I was not prepared to cross.

They wanted my e-mail, and I agreed. I had several disks stored elsewhere, which they never got to see — (these are now all destroyed). I took them to my place of work at night, and copied some of the e-mail for them. Most of it was stuff I had downloaded from the net, public stuff. I handed them a package of mostly useless information, information that they already had. I made sure, as I was copying it, there there was nothing really confidential in it. The FACTNet charter was one, but that was a matter of public record, which they already had, from the non-profit organisation application.

There were a few pieces of FACTNet mail on the disk. But nothing of real value to them. They *knew* I was only giving them a very small part, they sensed I was still holding a lot back. They were watching my "indicators", (a term used in auditing — you watch for indications on the person's face to see if they're happy with their auditing or not — if not, you continue on, and keep running the process — here, they were watching to see if I was doing everything of my own accord — it was crucial, you see, that I write my own death warrent, willingly, and that they are not seen to force my hand), and I knew that. In my numbed state, already regarding myself as a traitor and the scum of the earth, all I could think of to do was to seem to co-operate, but give them as little as possible — give the appearance of yielding. Keep my "indicators" in. In my numbed state, it was already over, and there was no way back out of it. It was done.

The next day, I got a call from Lt B. Posthumus (yes, that really *is* his name) who wanted to question me about the bomb threat. I felt cold fear, and stalled him. From this day on, they started meeting me every afternoon, and "debriefing" me on anything that happened during the day. I said to them they could go now, they had what they wanted but they said it was not finished yet. So, I told them that this guy had called, and they said oh, it was probably one of Malcolm's buddies trying to get to me. It didn't occur to me at all that there was no way Malcolm could know anything of what was going on…by this stage, they had shown me tons of DA material on Fishman, Erlich, RVY, Lawrence, Arnie, Joe H, etc. (DA material — Dead Agent material)

My inherent fear of Malcolm's SADF/police connections arose, and I became terrified. (I have reason to fear the South African Police, based on an earlier incident in my life). I mean this is so stupid — here I finally get my very own police officer, but by now, I'm beyond the point of shouting for help. Now, *I'm* the one who is to be questioned, I'm the guilty party.

They made a call, and they changed their tune. They said I should co-operate with the Lt., since it was an Interpol investigation into violence against the CoS, that there was a conspiracy of hate against the CoS, and that the bomb threat was something Interpol wanted investigated.

I agreed to meet with the Lt, on the 24th and he asked me basic questions. I asked him who had initiated the investigation, and he said people in Washington, and I asked Interpol? And he said yes. He asked me all the questions about my posting on the Net, trying to find out if I was in any way directly involved with it. He also asked if I thought that this should be taken seriously, and I replied that to be honest, no. Certainly not overseas, the critics of Scientology are more intelligent than that. But locally, was another matter. This is a violent nation of people who solve their problems by shooting at them. We concluded the interview, and I was very worried. I kept thinking of Paulette Cooper, and wondered if some sort of set-up was in progress. But I couldn't see how any of it could be linked.

Those few days, (between the 17th and 24th of October) I was trying to cram for my exam — I was determined to write it, no matter what, because I had spent money on the course and didn't want to waste it, or lose a whole year. Each day they met me, we went to coffee shops, or whatever, they debriefed me — and they started photographing me, photographing David and I  together, and going back and taping me — it was all friendly by this stage. They got personal and asked me about my ex, and then asked various things about my "case", and my sex life, and got some weird replies, all on tape. I sound like a goddamn lunatic.

On 25th October, I wrote my exam in the morning. I really do not know how I managed. I just don't. At the end of the exam, I was shaking like a leaf. They pounced on me as soon as I got home from my exam, and took me to a place at the Waterfront for lunch, and then back to the hotel (they were staying in a different one now, closer to where I live), and I said I was tired, and I was shaking, and I just wanted to sleep, but the Declaration had come down from OSA Int in the States — this was the one that came out later. It was very, very long, and it had incredible allegations in it — including a conspiracy by all the people in the key word list to incite violence against the Church, Malcolm was the person who had planned the operation and was going to bomb the Church, and all the other stuff. The pieces started to fit together, now. I said "I can't sign this, these are lies — how can you ask me to sign lies?", and they said to me to just strike out the parts I didn't want to sign, so I did — I took out the most outrageous lies, but I still didn't want to sign, and they said "you know it's true FACTNet wants to destroy Scientology" and by that stage I had come to believe that, and they worked through the thing, getting me to agree to parts of it. I was still shaking, I just wanted to go home, but they wanted me to sign it. So I did. Then they let me go.

The next day, they were back, with a corrected and edited version, with all the striking out removed, and they went through it again…I didn't want to go through it all again, and they said I'd already signed the other one, this was just for neatness, etc, etc, so I signed, without looking it over too carefully. There was never an attorney present at any of these sessions, at any time. I did NOT know I had the right to one. I'm sorry, but to an American that must sound bizarre, but to a South African, not at all. We didn't have very many rights, *any* of us, under the apartheid regime. The government could do what it liked, when it liked, how it liked. Including murder, conspiracy to murder, etc. And as long as you shut up and behaved, you wouldn't have any trouble with the government. But they watched. You never knew if your best friend was a spy for the government or not. You never knew if your teacher was an agent. We all grew up like this. Well, not all. Some of the white minority were *fast* asleep, sipping cocktails in their mansions built on the blood of black South Africans, and completely switched off from what was going on around them. They didn't *want* to know.

And so "rights"? — well, call us dumb, but in general, we are 20 years behind the rest of the world on things like this. It just did NOT occur to me that I had any rights in this situation. Not an excuse, just a fact.

And then it was over. But they still wouldn't go. They had the final product, the Declaration which was later to be released on the Net, and it had taken them nine days to get it.

They continued to be very friendly, taping, taping, all the time, and I started feeling genuinely friendly back to them. I said they could go, but they said no, they were instructed to stay for a while longer. I didn't think of what they would do with the Declaration, I just blocked it out of my mind.

They knew I still had a ton of "data" which I would not give them, and they kept trying, trying for it, but I said no, the rest had nothing to do with them, I had helped them on the copyrights and the copyrights only (this was how I justified it in my mind) since that was the only thing I thought they had any right on. I had tried to deflect everything away from the bomb threat, after seeing what they were trying to do with the first full declaration, the one they had prepared before — with the help of the Interpol investigation, proving that all these people on the list were terrorists, international criminals plotting violence against the Church.

Again, this is something a critic would have laughed at outright. But to me, it was a VERY real threat, that they actually *could* succeed in doing it, and I felt I had to try and prevent it.

And by this stage, I was blocking out things, and trying to see it more their way. They thought it would be a good idea to post a "Reasons why I left FACTNet", and some other things when I returned to work. Those posts (and the whole sordid story) is documented on Tilmans' web page  — including the Declaration, Bob and Lawrence's responses to the second Declaration (which was still coming), and my final refutation — the second Declaration is not available on the Net. In total, I made two Declarations on behalf of Scientology, and one after that, refuting the first two. Those are the only Declarations I have ever made to this date.

LAWRENCE's REACTION:

Before I went back to work, Lawrence's attorneys received the Declaration. He phoned me. He reamed the hell out of me — it is sufficient to say that our conversation was not pleasant.

I told him they were still here, I didn't know how to get across to him that I felt totally under their control…I just remember bleating out "they're still HERE", as though he could do something about it, and he told me not to "engage" with them, but…at that point, there just was no point. OSA were here, no-one else was. I was alone with them. He asked me to take 24 hours to search my soul and think about what I'd done, and offered to find a lawyer so that I could say that I had signed the Declaration under duress. He told me to phone him back after that.

I kept thinking that no lawyer was going to help me , or get me out of this, because I'd still have to face OSA. When OSA came for me that night, they saw the state I was in, and broke me down and got me to tell them what had happened with Lawrence with the greatest of ease — they were all sympathetic, and said how cruel Lawrence had been, etc, etc, and then they asked me to phone Lawrence, within the 24 hours like he had asked, and set him up with questions, try and get him to incriminate himself on tape and I refused — I was disgusted. I didn't phone Lawrence because I didn't trust myself anymore. I felt completely alienated from everyone and everything, and disassociated from my formerly firm beliefs and convictions about Scientology.

Bob phoned me the following night, and I could barely speak to him I was just crying and crying and crying and I kept saying how sorry I was, and someone was there was helping Bob, and I knew what this all was doing to him, and he asked me to see a lawyer — he was much gentler than Lawrence, and after speaking to him I felt there was something I could do — he mentioned a bit in the Declaration about him being competent, and Scientology's attempts to take away his disability pension, and I said I'd never let them do that, and I would try to get to a lawyer the next day.

The lawyer phoned me, I arranged to meet him, but then David, in that session, picked it up, and he said that he really cared for me, and asked me to trust him now and take his advice, and not speak to this lawyer without at least having one of my own, and to stall the guy — that I couldn't trust lawyers, and that it was a trap for me, because did I *really* think Lawrence or Bob would want to help me now? No, they'd be angry, they'd want revenge, they'd want to nail me. Look at how angry Wollersheim had been, did I *really* think he would help me now? Wollersheim would be out for my blood, now. Wollersheim was probably just using Bob, to get me to a lawyer so he could set me up.

I realised that I've never ever been involved in anything legal, apart from my divorce, and I am totally inexperienced in something like this, so maybe he's right. I *should* have my own lawyer.

So I phoned the guy and stalled. And went back to work the next day.

A woman from the lawyer's office came round to my office to say she had come to pick me up, but I had told them that I wasn't coming, and so I became terrified, and thought the lawyers *were* trying to kidnap me — the OSA had used the fact that I was so shaken by Lawrence's understandable anger to put the fear of God in me, and told me they were afraid Galen Kelly was going to kidnap me (I only found out who the hell Galen Kelly was later, in one of their long DA sessions). And David kept watch for the rest of the day, purportedly to protect me from being kidnapped. And they compiled a second Declaration, basically implying that Lawrence was harassing and threatening me, and so were the lawyers. I didn't feel this was true — I was terrified, and confused, though, and so I signed and even re-wrote a part of it — but I was getting very irritated with them, because while I genuinely was terrified of Lawrence at that stage, I could see, it was so obvious, how they were exploiting the situation. Lawrence's anger *was* understandable, but they were virtually drooling at the prospect of having something to nail on Lawrence — they couldn't even hide it from me very well. There's no question — they hate him, and they are totally dedicated to "restraining" him — they think he is the *most* Suppressive of them all. In the meantime, I was starting to feel like a whore.

ARS (again):

Then, the news broke on a.r.s. They know I'm reading the reactions, and people obviously react with outrage. Dennis lays into me thick and hard, and we've got past baggage (which is documented in "My story") and everyone tore into me—like a part of me knew I deserved, but I couldn't believe that they all thought I'd been working for OSA all along, these were people I had thought were my friends, I thought they knew me, etc, etc, etc, ad nauseum. And OSA waited for me to break. They were hoping the fury of the a.r.s.ers would jolt me and break me down all the way, into going back, into turning over all the information I had. Personal stuff. What they wanted to know about people's private lives. It was obscene.

And they were kind, and sympathetic — how terrible all these people were, did I see, now that they had never been my friends? Yes, I *definitely* saw that. These were SPs, vicious entheta people — did I see now how vicious Dennis is? Yes, but he's HURTING damn you…did I see how all these people dubbed in the reality when they had no access to facts? Look at how they had decided what had happened with me, but they weren't even in my country — did I see now how many lies were on ars? Oh yes, I was definitely seeing it. I was seeing more — how these people who oppose Scientology on the basis of using mind control were tearing me to shreds — it just didn't make sense with what I had thought ARS was about, and I was seeing a shattering of everything, everything I had believed, right before my eyes — a real life horror movie. A mob on the rampage. I also have a thing about mobs on the rampage — although this was a character and verbal assassination, the impulse of hatred that drove it was the same as when I've seen mobs necklace people, here in South Africa. Maybe OSA picked that one up from my pc folders, I can't remember if any of that ever came out when I was in Scientology.

Suddenly David and Anne were the only friends I had in the world, while all these far-off *e-mail* addresses were stating with authority what had happened as if they had been here. There were exceptions. Patrick Jost. Who saw through it *straight* away, for what it was, and who vigorously defended me, and got torn to pieces himself, for his troubles. Joe Harrington. Then those who were angry, or upset, but at least had the brainpower to suggest people suspend judgement until the true story came out — like Sister Clara, and Ron Newman. But no, the mob were on a feeding frenzy, and you can't reason with that. You *certainly* can't appeal to that for help.

I was ready at that point to say "the hell with the lot of you", turn round, go back, give them ALL they wanted, and believe me, that would have been considerable, do Steps A–E, and become a Scientologist again. Etc, etc, etc. Waiting, waiting for me to break. I didn't trust anyone enough to tell them OSA were standing *right there* while they were all laying into me. It felt like I was in this horrific nightmare, trying to scream for help, but my voice wouldn't work. Or one of those when you're in a nightmare, and you're trying to run away from danger, and your legs won't work. Utter, sheer, powerlessness. Paralysis. I'll never forget that moment of nightmare, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I wouldn't even wish it back on the mob, although it might give them some clue as to what this is all about. But I have accepted, now, that most people just do *not* understand, and it is utterly pointless even trying to explain.

I don't know why I didn't break. I don't know. At that point I could see they were absolutely right. Why shouldn't I just give up, and go back to them, and give them all the data on the very people who were tearing me to pieces…why not? They were right, about so many things, what possible reason should I hold out for? Why not go back to my former religion? I could see, they were utterly right, in that moment, about suppressives, and critics, and the hatred, and everything.

And then Joe Harrington said: "Kim, I love you." He KNEW I had just betrayed him, he knew I wasn't an OSA agent, but that something had happened, and DESPITE that, he said that to me. This is the vortex, in a way, around which the rest of this story evolves. "Kim, I love you!". It was a shout across miles and miles that was *so* powerful, that when I saw it, it shook me, and shook me, and actually snapped me out of it, and "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE????"

I clung onto it…I hung onto it as the one tiny piece of sanity in this imploding world of sheer madness that I had plunged down into. And I clung onto the fact that Patrick had seen right through it instantly. There *were* a few people out there who actually did know me well enough to know that I wouldn't have done this on my own, or that I hadn't been an OSA agent all along.

And then I knew I just had to get rid of OSA, and then go and refute the Declarations, but I couldn't do it while they were still here. And so I had to make damn sure my indicators were in, and get rid of them as soon as possible, and continue to be friendly. I didn't know any other way. I still didn't feel I could ask anyone for help. But Joe gave me the strength to go on. And Patrick. And others who shall remain nameless for their own protection.

And then, I got a telephonic death threat, from the States (caller USA accent) unless I retracted the Declaration. To this day, I don't know who that was. And they said I was going to need a lawyer, and that they would provide me with one free of charge, because I had helped them, even if I didn't go back. I refused. I knew that if I went into their debt, I was finished, I would never be able to get out again. I decided to take whatever came myself. They gave me the name of their lawyer, and made me call him, but I said I didn't want any service yet, but would call him if I needed it. There was just no way I was going to be used by them any further.

I never called him. And then, eventually after five weeks in Cape Town, they left. For two weeks after that I couldn't do much. I was numb, dead, in agony, and suicidal. I couldn't sleep much, and when I did, I had such horrific nightmares that I'd wake up screaming my head off. I just wanted to die. But I couldn't let myself die yet, I still had something I had to do. I contacted the attorney, and got the Refutation done. I faxed a copy of it to OSA so they knew, and the lawyer got it to FACTnet in the States.

And OSA called me, and screamed and threatened, and wanted to know who had put me up to it, and did "Wollersheim get to you", and I just wanted to laugh, because I hadn't had any contact with those people, and I didn't want to, ever again. I just told them to leave me alone, and never come near me again, or I'd get a restraining order. After a couple of attempts, they got the message, and left me alone. Which, to this day, they have continued to do. They don't have to worry about me anymore, anyway, I'm no longer effective against them, so in the end, one of their problems *was* solved, and a nuisance was eliminated.

And then, I collapsed with glandular fever, and was off work for six weeks. I was very, very ill with a fever wracking my body. And a desire to just die. But I didn't die. Despite wanting to. And then I later figured suicide was a cop-out to ease the pain, and an indulgence, and since I was going to die one day anyway, I might as well just endure the rest of my life until it was over. Like taking on a life-sentence.

(Continued in Part 3)

[Continued from Part 2]:

That was then. This is now. The personal effects of this incident on me have been manifold, but I have no wish to discuss those here. I am more than fully aware of the effects that betrayal had on those I hurt. I've apologised, but apologising doesn't undo the pain and the damage I caused. I know that. There's nothing more that can be said on it.

What I do wish to discuss, however, is the broader issues surrounding these events.

FACTNet's IMPORTANCE:

The Declarations in themselves weren't exactly legal dynamite. The judge in the FACTNet case threw them out, instantly, noting that it was obvious that I'd been "brainwashed". Just like that.

They were, however, designed to deliver a severe psychological blow to FACTNet, and FACTNet's public image. To cause dissent within the ranks, confusion among the supporters. Which simply goes to show just how important FACTNet is. If they were just an ineffective, useless organisation, then why on earth should Scientology go to these lengths to discredit them? The point was to get people's attention *off* Scientology, and on to FACTNet. To make people lose sight of the mission of FACTNet, and focus again, on the people, and their flaws, and to become embroiled in that, rather than look at *what* FACTNet reveals about *Scientology*, and other cults.

As long as people aren't examining *Scientology*, then Scientology are happy. They do not care if people think of them as a nasty organisation that raids people, because this tends to make people want to back off, not tangle with Scientology. They don't want anyone in their way, they want no CI (counter-intention) to their plans to "clear the planet" (take over the world).

As long as people don't look at *Scientology*, the *doctrine*, critically, they are happy, as long as there is no public record of NON-success stories, where people have had bad experiences in Scientology, they are happy.

FACTNet's MISSION:

FACTNet's mission is to educate people in the field of co-ercive psychology. To look at and document instances of persuasive techniques used to bring people to a set of beliefs that they may not have reached of their own accord. As an electronic library, to record and document personal accounts, research reports and articles on this previously unchartered territory of the human mind. That is what FACTNet is about, that is the common vision that all of us who have ever been part of it, share. That was the vision that inspired me, and that was why I joined FACTNet. I still firmly believe in that mission, as a private individual, even though I am no longer a part of FACTNet. What happened with me was a live example of co-ercive psychology in action. Of persuasive techniques being used, successfully.

TECHNIQUES:

Firstly, I was vulnerable to them, because I was already "Floating". "Floating" has been recorded and documented as a phenomenon that manifests in many ex-cult members, from as early as 1976, by Ted Patrick. It was later recorded by Steve Hassan, in his book "Combatting cult mind control", and Margaret Singer in her book "Cults in our midst". So, contrary to what most ARS people believed, calling it my "flip-flop" (that's quite a good term, actually!), it was not a totally unique "Kim Baker" failing. Ex-cult members had had this happen to them *long* before I came along, I just do not think it had ever happened to anyone so publically , before. I also wasn't aware of the phenomenon myself, until these books were brought to my attention, after the shame of last year.

Basically, what was happening, is that that doctrine, that system of thought called "Scientology", which I had incorporated into my consciousness, was being triggered. You cannot totally believe in a doctrine, and then instantly make *all* those beliefs and thought processes vanish. You cannot amputate an entire ideology in an instant of recognition that a part of it is false. It is a process, which takes time. I didn't know that at the time. And as a result, I let everyone down, very, very badly. I *am* sorry.

COERCION OR CULPIBILITY?

At the time, when I was posting to ars, I was insistent that I had not been coerced. The definition of co-ercion here is very tricky. There was no loaded magnum in the room. They did not make me do anything I did not, myself, agree to. So, on the surface, indeed, I had not been co-erced, and I must take the full responsibility for my actions. However. I would not have done those things on my *own* initiative. I am *totally* certain of that.

OSA had mission orders. They had a final product to be achieved. They were equipped with a list of my buttons, they knew how to evoke the most extreme guilt in me, and they had drilled all this before-hand. I did not realise that. They controlled the environment around me. They had assessed my "tone level", and knew that TR-K (TR — Kindness) was the best way to achieve results with me. I do not respond well to people yelling at me. And lurking, deep within myself, was that left-over belief that attacking Scientology is evil. The subtle differentiation between "attacking", or what I call "hate speech", and rational, honest criticism, was hanging by a tenuous thread. It didn't take very long for that distinction to become blurred into one faulty computation of logic. Criticising something rationally is *NOT* attacking it. But I lost that focus. And I did not want to be evil. I had no support around me, no-one I could call on for help, and so I walked right into the trap. And it worked on me, because I had spent four years, doing their courses, and being a dedicated Scientologist who *loved* the auditing "tech". With a passion.

When Joe Harrington's post brought me back into myself, I was *me* again, but deep in a situation that had gone way out of my control. I could only assume control again, after they had gone. And since that time, I have experienced no more instances of "Floating". I avoid environments that may trigger this, as a precaution. I know my own limitations, now. I had to pay a terrible price to find out, the worst kind, which was harming others. I hope no-one else has to find out this way, where your fake sun-set turns into a post-nuclear landscape strewn with charred corpses.

THE RIGHT TO FREEDOM OF BELIEF:

And that is why it is so important to record these experiences. Only by compiling a litany of experience, understanding full well that each of the individuals has their own failings and faults, and taking that into account, is the only way we can come to understand what this is all about. I'm sadly aware that quite a few people do NOT want to understand. Those are the ones who use invective, and who pour scorn onto cult members and ex-cult members equally. At one stage, it was these few who really angered me, but then I realised that as with all cruelty, it stems ultimately from ignorance.

Scientology would have you believe that *all* of us who are loud "Suppressives" are criminals, liars, fraudsters, flawed human beings. Many of the critics have bought into that. God, yes we fail, and we have our faults, each in our own different way. But we have the right to tell our stories, give our views, we have the right to be HEARD. The US government protects Scientology because it calls itself a religion. But where is our protection? Where is the protection for *our* freedom of belief, where is the protection from being publically  defamed as individuals? We speak out against a *doctrine*, we get in return, our *characters* carved up. This is simply not logical.

We *know* when we speak out against Scientology what we are in for. Well, perhaps not quite. We have an idea. We certainly know that there will be reprisals, of one form or another, depending on how effective we are. Despite that, we take the risk, often being attacked not only by Scientology, but by the general public who have bought into Scientology's dead agenting tactics. Let me tell you, Dead Agenting works a *treat*. It plants seeds in people's minds that grow, and if that person then dares make errors, it confirms it in those people's minds. And they focus on the *person* and how flawed they are, rather than hear what the person is saying. Carl Sagan, in his book "The demon haunted world", lists as his FIRST point in his Baloney Detection Kit — "disregard ad hominem attacks" — but do people do this? No. I guess Carl Sagan's scientific work would be rendered completely worthless if people found out that, for instance, he was a bigamist who had several wives, and children that he didn't support. (He doesn't, this is a hyperthetical example).

WE STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND:

Why did all the Germans in Nazi Germany support Hitler? Was an *entire* nation evil? It's simply impossible. Europe was outraged by Nazism. Because Hitler wanted to take over Europe, and exterminate a race he found undesirable. But what did the colonists do to the American Indian? The Aborigine? The African? Was this any different from what Hitler was doing? Colonising, deciding what people are not desirable, and exterminating them — we *keep* doing this, throughout our history. Saying one thing is wrong, while we have in fact, ourselves, done the very same thing, or are still doing it. Because we don't understand it.

THE COLONISATION OF THE MIND:

FACTNet deals with the Colonisation of the Mind. FACTNet wants to understand *why* entire nations blindly buy into an ideology that is later agreed to be odious. Scientology is just *one* little doctrine. But it is a microcosm of the mechanics at work. It is an opportunity to study the phenonmenon, and only through understanding it, can we overcome it.

FACTNet, however, cannot survive without the support of those people who do actually care about all this. This is why it is so important for people to support FACTNet. This is why I still support it. FACTNet needs people, everywhere, who are concerned about these issues, to donate to it. There is no fraud here. Scientology would love everyone to believe that. None of the FACTNet people are getting wealthy off it — they are just battling to survive expensive litigation, so that the work of educating people can go on. That is the actual truth of the matter. If FACTNet falls, then so does the hope for us to record, collate, study, and analyse the Colonisation of the Mind. Don't let it happen.

Over and out.

Kim Baker
Cape Town, South Africa
August 1996.